My dad during the eagles/cowboys game.

Two christmas gifts put to good use.

Making up is nice.

Condoms at the dollar store. Mmm... Assorted colors.

I got a raise, bitches!

Purdy house!

Merry Christmas. Luff, Rosie.

Sicky :(

Purdy hurr cut.

She loves her mama.

Still loving it.

Rosie eating her pig ear. Yummy.

My Birthday Gifts from Ken and Linda

Ken and Linda really outdid themselves this year with my birthday gifts. Let's go through them and explain, shall we?A turkey baster. That's right, a friggin' turkey baster. Mom tried to pull a funny over Kristen because Kristen made the mistake of telling her about one horrific evening where her bowel's were so backed up she would have given anything to have a turkey baster in the house to use as an enema. Too much information? As if I care.

I think this gift is self explanatory.

Another high-quality, well-thought out gift.

At least they're water proof...for when I go swimming in my sleep.

Jerks.

Tank got me a Gift Card to New York and Co.

He didn't sign the card.

I like this game because I am good at it and I get to scream. I will pulverize anyone who tries to take me on.
Chris and I took on Ken, Linda and Tank Friday night. The ending score was 82-0.

Booyah.

Cold, hard cash. Little does Linda know that it's going right back to her...being that we owe she and my dad almost 6 grand.

Cool.

The best gift eva. I asked for onesie, footsie pj's with a back-flap. Linda told me she hadn't ordered them yet. Sneaky, sneaky mommy. I would wear these 24/7 if I could. I have worn them the past 2 nights and they are amazing. The back-flap is the best invention in the history of inventions. It beats out electricity. I can pee/poop without taking my pants off.

And Chris can have his way with me while I stay warm and cozy in my jersey knit cocoon.

Just look out for that velcro--- that could cause some damage to one's genital area.

Let me know what you think of my gifts.

I'll try to post a pic of me in my pj's--it's not a good one....but it doesn't matter. You'll be able to sense the joy I feel while wearing them.

That is all.

And I am still old.

Cutie emmalynn chatting on the phone. <3 her.

Old Old McGee

Today is my birthday. I am old. I never thought I would make it to 25. It always seemed like a far out, unattainable age. Ugh. I've attained it. I received two glorious baskets of flowers from my loved ones---Broan and my parents. My mom's flowers leaked all over my desk. And when I told her what kind of flowers they included in the arrangement she screamed, "DAMN... no wonder they cost me an arm and a leg". I received a birthday card in the mail on Saturday from my gma. I also received another card on the same day, but it was signed "from Rosey"--ok--so Rosie (yes, with an ie) is my dog---therefore, I didn't THINK she could write out a card. And on top of that...even if she can write--why did she send it through the mail when we LIVE together. So, either my dog learned to write and use the postal service all in one day...or my 88 year old gma tried to pull a fast one on me and pretended to be my dog writing me a card. Also, to add to her sly ways--she changed her handwriting...she wrote in cursive. I can spot my gma's handwriting a mile a way....the fact that she thought to switch it up as to disguise the author--genius.

Chris took me out on Saturday for my birthday. We went up to this really cute (filthy rich) town and painted pottery. I had mentioned a while ago that we should do it and he said "never". BUT, he was smart and cute and chose this as my birthday surprise. I painted a huge cappuccino mug...he painted a snowman ornament and a mug....he hated both...we are not good painters. We then went to an authentic, family owned Italian Restaurant in the city by the avenue of the arts. All you can drink free wine, minestrone soup, spinach raviolis and a hazlenut mocha cake. Delish. Then we went to the pet store so I could play with all my future dogs. :) A really good night. :)

I think in my next post I'll list the happenings of the entertainment world for today...that way we can all look back and and remember what a racist Michael Richards was on my boirthday.

Three years, suckas.

Three years, suckas.

We pooped our pants at eastern state penitetiary.

He eats his boogs.

For Marty: The Biggest Puss I know...

Whales will eat you in your sleep tonight.

She may use a cane, but she's still the best. :)

The only time I will ever commend Larry King. He gets some action while making a spectacle of a cripple. Kudos to you, Larry King.

p.s. Nice cork wedges. I threw mine out in '98.

p.p.s. Do you still shave your one leg? Just curious.

I heart mondays.

One of my prettier faces.

Brother and sisterly love. <3

Oh Donny, you make me giggle.

Why do my cats long to escape?

Tonight is the finale of Project Runway Season Three. This is a very special night for a lot of people...but first let's talk about who it will not be special for...

I can't even remember a single outfit you made. Go back to East Germany and make me a streusel.
Don't cry, Laura. You still have you 6 children and horrific husband at home. To be honest, I liked your outfits. They were classy, elegant....but I can't get over the fact that you never wore a single thread of color in any garment put on your body. I take issue with that. Is it because you have red hair? I know that can be rough. But a lot of things go with red....white, black.....................................................................................................touche. I wish I could shiv in your mouth. And not in the sexy way...if there is a sexy way of doing that.A PREMATURE CONGRATULATIONS TO MICHAEL KNIGHT.

My hopeful for tonight's winner. He is fashionable, witty, black, kinda ghetto, but kinda not, kinda gay, but possibly dating the actress formerly known as Moesha (YUP, BRANDY).
Best of luck to you, sire.

And if you are not gay (or even if you are) and you are not with Brandy (no exceptions here) come by my house tomorrow night. My husband has class...the house is ours....you don't mind if the cats and dogs watch do you?

I didn't think so.

Is it wrong to just want to tickle him?

What I would eat everyday of my life if I had no chance of getting morbidly obese...or the threat of vomming it all back up...because there are some raunchy combinations there. But I would do it.... God Damn, I would do it.